When is a Democrat not one?

Back when I was an undergraduate, I took a biology course from the professor who authored the text book. Many's the time, as we say, I'd approach the professor with a concern that the answers to an assignment couldn't be found in the text. The professor would ask a couple of clarifying questions, to be sure of which information I thought was missing, and then, without looking at the text, would say something like "Look on the bottom half of page 257." I suppose I can be grateful the professor never required me to take a remedial reading course. As I recall, he was as unnervingly correct as he was unerringly correct.

can allowing St. Louis River pollution protect Lake Superior? How?

Photo by J. Harrington

All of the proceeding was a roundabout (they're not just for traffic you know) way of leading up to the fact that, moments ago, I finally broke down and looked up what the Minnesota Democratic-Farm-Labor party's platform has to say about Natural Resources and the Environment. I did this because, for years, I've been assuming the DFL claims more allegiance to protecting the environment than does the GOP. Time to "read the text." Here's the DFL's version:

My curiosity about all of this was triggered by the recent introduction, by Congressman Nolan, an alleged Democrat representing Minnesota's CD8, of legislation mandating a land swap to allow the development of a mine that hasn't yet received its Permit to Mine. The legislation, if passed and signed by the president, would short-circuit lawsuits underway challenging a land swap "giveaway" to foreign mining investors. The Forest Service land values, currently being challenged in court, are accused of using land values that ignore the increased value a mine brings to a property and so are detrimental to taxpayers. This is the kind of legislation I would have expected to be introduced if a Republican had won the last election, although even the Minnesota Republican platform claims to support environmental protection, but it's apparently trumped by other priorities in practice. On the other hand, maybe that's how Congressman Nolan can try to justify introducing legislation that preempts many environmental and legal processes instead of fully supporting the DFL platform.

These days it's gotten to be as difficult to tell many Democrats from most Republicans as it is to tell a fraud from a politician. Meanwhile, Minnesota's state representatives and senators are getting concerned about the intensity of demonstrations at the Capitol. At least Minnesota's Republicans, unlike those in Oregon, haven't yet started to hire local militia to protect themselves. I hope this doesn't give them any ideas. I also hope Democrats start to take their platform and their values more seriously. I had been getting more and more involved in local Democratic politics and more supportive of the party's candidates. If my future choices are going to be DINOs or RINOs, my support will be for individuals, not parties. I hope it doesn't come to that. I believe we saw, and are suffering from, the consequences of many frustrated voters choices in the last election.

Preliminary Report from the Committee on Appropriate Postures for the Suffering

Jon Davis

We who wear clean socks and shoes are tired
of your barefoot complaining, your dusty footprints
on our just-cleaned rugs. Tired, too of your endless ploys—
the feigned amputations, the imaginary children
you huddle with outside the malls, your rags and bottles,
the inconvenient positions you assume. Though we remain
impressed by your emaciation and your hunger and,
frankly, find you photogenic and think your images
both alarming and aesthetically pleasing, to do anything
more than sigh will require a complex process
of application and review, a process that is currently
in the development stage. Meanwhile, may we suggest
you moderate your public suffering at least
until the Committee on Appropriate Postures for the Suffering
is able to produce guidelines. Do not be alarmed.
The committee has asked me to assure you
that they are sensitive both to the aesthetic qualities
of your suffering—the blank stares, the neotonous beauty
as the flesh recedes and the eyes seem to grow larger,
the haloes of flies—and to the physical limitations
of human endurance and the positioning of limbs.
They will, I am certain, ask that you not lift
your naked children like offerings to the gods.
On this topic, discussion has centered around the unfair
advantage such ploys give the parents of such children.
The childless, whether by choice or fate, are left
to wither silently in the doorways while those with children
proffer and gesticulate in the avenues unabated.
This offends our cherished sense of fairness,
the democratic impulse that informs and energizes
our discussions. Therefore, we ask for restraint,
and where restraint is lacking, we will legislate.
Please be forewarned. In addition, the committee
will recommend that the shouting of slogans,
whether directed at governments or deities, be kept
to a minimum. Not only is such shouting displeasing
aesthetically, but it suggests there is something
to be done. Believe me, no one is more acutely aware
of your condition than we who must ignore it everyday
on our way to the capitol. In this matter, we ask only
that you become more aware of your fellow citizens,
who must juggle iPods, blackberries, briefcases
and cell phones, lattes. Who must march steadily
or be trampled by the similarly burdened citizens
immediately behind them. Your shouting and pointing
does not serve you well. Those of us employed
by the agency are sworn to oversee you. If we seem,
as you suggest, to have overlooked you instead,
that is an oversight and will be addressed, I am certain,
in our annual review. Please be aware: To eliminate
your poverty, your hunger, your aesthetically
pleasing, yet disturbing, presence in our doorways,
above our heating grates, in our subway tunnels
and under our freeways would mean the elimination
of the agency itself and quite possibly a decline
in tourism. Those of us employed by the agency
have neither the stamina, persistence, nor the luminous
skin tones that you present to the viewing public.
Finally, to those who would recommend programs,
who would call for funding and action,
I must remind you that we have been charged not
with eliminating your suffering but with managing it.

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Please be kind to each other while you can.